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We Walk Around the Ruin

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As a child I was obsessed with NOT stepping on cracks

“Step on a crack, break your mother’s back”

rang in my ears.

Decades later I came to understand that my compulsion

was just that;

I had OCD born of trauma.

I needed something that I could control,

anything.

I had countless rituals that grew out of my need to feel in control.

Cracks were one that linger to this day.

Your past haunts

if you let it.

****************

Alcohol kills.

It kills and it kills and it continues to kill

and we walk around the death and the ruin

on

tip toe.

I started the blog almost a year ago.

My mother was living with Wernicke – Korsakoff

Alcoholics dementia

and I was living it with her.

If you can call what that was

living.

Caring for anyone with dementia is difficult at best;

caring for a woman who abused you as a child

who was a life long alcoholic living with dementia caused by all the booze;

is too much to ask of anyone.

I began this blog as a way to connect with others who are caretakers,

other who live with and have loved alcoholics.

I began this to let people know how Wernicke – Korsakoff presents

and how little can be done to stop it.

 My mother died on November 30th, 2012.

My mother’s death was not painless or pleasant

and neither was her life.

I was present for both: her life and her death

and I am walking with both every day of my life.

Alcohol Kills and I have borne witness to the waste.

I miss Daddy.

I miss that I do not miss Mommy.

I carry guilt and pain and regret and resentment

but not everyday or every moment.

In most moments I carry Love and Peace and Contentment.

In most moments I carry Compassion and Gratitude.

I am back. I will finish this story:

The story of my life with my mother

a life long alcoholic

a woman ravaged by alcoholism and the dementia that comes with it.

I have posted links to a few posts that are the framework

of the story.

My mother’s story

and

mine.

Alcohol Kills.

You can take that to the bank.

Peace, Jen

*********

The Beginning….

Alcohol Kills

1% Forgiveness

Before I tell you how to build a coffin…

“Wood is so Warm and Alive as Though it has a Soul”

I Have Been Places I Pray You Never Go

Tribal Drums Sound and the Healing Begins

100 Fucking Percent Forgiveness

The Sky Said

Child as Asteroid



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